This is what I think...

They say it's not over 'till it's over. Seriously, they say that! I've heard them! Well, it seems as if it's over. Or rather, ALMOST over! I keep forgetting about that last little step...



Um...sorry. I guess that was a bit loud. How's this...


Better? Good. Let's move on...

I've been asked by many of my readers (both of you, at one point or another!) to expound on the current political situation. I have refrained from doing so until now for a couple of reasons:

1. I am a procrastinator
2. I am lazy
3. I fear the almost godlike power of my lofty public perch as a blogger and did not wish to unduly influence any of my fellow voters because I happen to believe in freedom of choice and would never dream of trying to push my political opinions on another person without...
4. What a load of crap. Just see #1 and #2

But now, at the eleventh hour (or pretty close to it!) I guess it's time to share my thoughts, so here they are:

The Sage Words Guide to the Political Opinions Within the Sage Words Mind
(or, how to agonize endlessly over your vote without really trying)

I remember my political awakening like it was November 4, 1980...

It was November 4, 1980, and I was watching the Television News Broadcast (these things were always capitalized back then) with my Dad. Jimmy Carter was President at the time, and was running for re-election against some guy who died playing football on TV and hung around with monkeys. In my great (Sage?) wisdom, I fully expected Jimmy Carter to win. When Dad asked me why, I gave him the most reasonable answers I could:

• He's the President
• He wants to

What could be more compelling? How could some football player with a monkey win? With this insight firmly entrenched across the normally quiet Western Front of my eight year old mind, I proceeded to watch my very first political slaughter!

It didn't take long to see that things were going badly for my main man Mister Ka-Tair! (<--Subtle 70's reference). He picked up a state here and there, but he was beginning to hear Howard Cosell in the back of his head, talking about Regan as the "Harmer of the Farmer"!
I was confused. I went back over my careful reasoning, checking my facts as I went.

• Yes. Jimmy Carter was President (my Dad said so)
• Yes. Jimmy Carter did still want to be President (my Dad said that too. If you don't believe him, I'll fight you after school, over by the flag pole!)

I started to cry (I think I only beat Jimmy Carter by about ten minutes). I didn't understand why they wouldn't let him be President any more! He was a Peanut Farmer! His brother was FAMOUS! It wasn't FAIR!

Life can be hard when you're eight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here we are, 28 years later. And here it is, about to be November 4th again. And we jump from one election to another without a net! Fasten your seatbelts!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This election has been going on for approximately two years! We've broken records in practically every state for voter turnout during the primary season. We've seen a paradigm shift in who is qualified to run for President, and we're poised to make history no matter who wins tomorrow's election!

I know a lot of you are worried and fretful over who's going to win. You may not believe we're ready for one candidate or another (although I've discussed this topic before, HERE). You may not think either candidate is going to take us in the right direction. You may not even be sure that there IS a right direction. Well, I don't know how to calm those fears, but I do know that we all have to do our part. Tomorrow, our part is to vote, so go out there and do it!




I know I promised you my political opinions, but I'm going to post this right now, without adding to it any further. I want you to think long and hard about your own political opinions and act on them. In a few minutes, I'll write about my personal thoughts and opinions in a new post. Maybe I'll even tell you how I voted!



-Sage Words

It's the Circle of Thwartage!

I hate being thwarted! All day, lurking around every corner, has been a thwart-worthy event and I have HAD it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cooking pancakes today, the first one stuck to the pan. I took the spatula and proceeded to try to peel it up, but to no avail. In fact, not only did I not get an avail (is that the right way to say that? I never know...) but the pancake was destroyed in the process and the leading edge of a brand-new plastic spatula was melted! AAGHHH! Thwarted!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I decided to go to the store to get a metal spatula. Naturally, in the process, I saw about four hundred other things I absolutely HAD to have because I went to the store hungry because my pancakes were ruined and I needed a new spatula!

$85 later, I leave the store. Yes, I remembered the metal spatula (eventually!) but I also remembered taco meat, hot sauce, kitchen knives, sandwich meat and any number of other things I would never have had to spend money on if only I had not been thwarted by the accursed pancakes! AAGHHH! Thwarted again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next, I left the store. Or rather, I tried to. Oh, I got out of the store all right. I even got into my car (not actually my car, but that's a thwart-worthy story for another day!) and pulled out of my space. I got in line behind two other cars waiting to turn left into traffic. And waiting. And waiting some more.

Turns out that the person at the front of the line had stalled out and couldn't move! So there I am, sandwiched between vehicles, trapped; like a rat in a PT Cruiser. GRRR! Thwarted Again!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually, the three or four cars stacked up behind me got frustrated and, backing dangerously into the busy parking lot, they turned around and went to another exit. This freed me to do the same (only safer!) and I moved over to another exit to the right of where I had just been sitting for ten minutes. Just as I turned left, into traffic and on my way home, the stalled truck started up and, pulling in front of me, stalled again! OONGAWA!!! Thwarted once more!

Finally the truck drifted off to the side of the road, out of traffic, and I was able to continue home. What a relief!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember when I said I bought "any number of other things" while I was at the store because of the vicious thwarting I received at the hands of my pancakes? Go back and look; I'll wait...

====

Got it? Good. Well, one of the things I bought was a DVD. Now, Chica and I are living in somewhat austere conditions right now as we transition from England to Arizona, and await the arrival of our stuff. So the only entertainment device we currently have is my (VERY OLD) laptop. Still, it can be cozy to snuggle up and watch a movie on the small (seriously, this thing is SMALL and OLD!) screen. But, naturally, my DVD playing software doesn't work because the trial period has expired (I refuse to spend money just to watch a DVD on my own computer!). YYAARRRRGGGHH!! Thwarted!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So off I go, searching the Interweb for more free dvd player software. As an IT professional of sixteen years, this should be simple for me, right? My collegues would all tell you it should be a piece of cake.

I downloaded two non-working programs, one that requires purchase to hear the audio track, a Trojan Horse, and a second copy of the one that stopped working in the first place! NNNNGGHGHGH!!!!! More thwarting! Chica even suggested I call one of her Reserve coworkers in NEBRASKA for help! Multiple Twartage!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here I am, writing a blog about being thwarted. I get it. Some days, you thwart, and other days you get thwarted. I know when I'm licked. Now I just have to switch over to the last thing I downloaded so hopefully I can watch my movie in peace. Boy, I really hope this one works; it cost me $14.95.

Don't tell Chica!



-Sage Words

Scattered Musings (in no particular order)

So far today, I've seen the following interesting or startling things:

• A man washing his dog in a car wash
• A woman so keenly interested in the Titanic disaster, she has devoted an entire room in her house to it
• Several melted "Twix" candies
• The (brand-new!) radiator in my car wobbling like a Weeble-Wobble
• A $37.95 shirt on sale for $8.00
• Four generations of women from the same family

Here are my thoughts on these items (in no particular order)...

Man's Best (and smelliest) Friend:

So there we were, my Chica and Me, driving down the road on our way home from the Titanic Lady's house (I told you it was no particular order!) when she spotted this guy in the local Spray-N-Suds with his dog. I didn't see it at first because I'm a careful driver and I was watching where I was going. But she started laughing so hard, and managed to say what sounded to me like "dog...car...wash!", so I made an immediate U-Turn in the middle of the road to see what she was looking at. This, apparently, is an unsafe manuver and I was instantly in trouble. In my defense, however, I did glance in at least one mirror before I did it, (I think) so it was perfectly safe. And besides...

...but I digress...

So there's this guy, and he had the dog's leash in one hand, and the spray wand in the other just hosing the dog off. And the dog was LOVING it!

My Thoughts: It was quite amusing. Seven out of ten.

I'm Flying Jack!:

Leo and Kate were only on the edges of this one, folks. This lady has a big-time fancy going on here. We were there for the Grand Opening of her Titanic Room. She had reproductions of a newspaper from shortly after the wreck, announcing the disaster and all the crazy stuff about "Men of Means" that were killed. She had a model of the ship, and a reproduction tea cup and saucer from the cruise line that owned the Titanic. And yes, she played the movie, but it was really only to add to the atmosphere and no one payed much attention.

My Thoughts: This nice lady was REALLY into her Titanic! But as odd as it may sound on the surface, it was something she and her husband had spent years together working on. It brought them closer and gave them something to share. Ten out of ten!

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?:

Good golly miss Molly! Here it is, the day after Halloween, and I'm just trying to enjoy one of the many left over bite-sized Twix candies I just happen to have in my possesion, when the Sun decides it would be better if it DRIPPED out of the shiny foil wrapper instead of remaining in one yumy, chocolaty good piece long enough to get crammed into my mouth!

My Thoughts: As it turns out, it gets HOT in Arizona! Who knew? Two out of ten!

Filth! Flarn! Filth AND flarn!:

I (allegedly) bought a 1998 Oldsmobile Achieva on 27 September. I've had possession of it for barely two weeks of the 35 days since then! Things keep breaking...it keeps...I can't...AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

I will address this issue in its own (future) post. I'm too emotional right now! Chica is the only thing keeping me sane!

My Thoughts: A bit like Showtime's "Dexter", I'm afraid. Negative twelve out of ten!

Taking the Bear (market) by the horns:

Mervyns Department Stores, like so many other businesses right now, is going out of business. The up side to this is that I get to buy a $37.95 shirt for eight bucks! The down side is, it's just another symptom of our struggling economy.

My Thoughts: Three more days folks! Let's try to hold on for three more days! Then we can begin complaining about how the new President-Elect has completely failed to magically solve all of our financial problems, end (or not! Your choice!) the War, buy us all houses, make nice with Europe, get tough with China, or wash our dogs for us in a car wash! That's what we do, right? Blame our elected leaders for everything and refuse to take responsibility?? Oh, it's not? My bad. Three out of ten. Or seven. Depends how you look at it.

The Well-Tended Family Tree:

Four generations of women in one house at the same time! The Titanic lady's Grand Opening was attended by her mother, daughter, and grand-neice (her sister's kid)! That is phenominal!

My Thoughts: Family is so very important! Sometimes we forget that it's our family who makes us, molds us, supports us, loves us, grieves with us, and sometimes saves us from the pitfalls of the world. I saw a very close-knit family today who didn't even know they were inspiring me! I love them for that! Several million out of ten!

Scattered Conclusions:

Sometimes we face challenges we can quantify (A dirty dog, a 1998 Oldsomobile Achieva, you know how it is!) and sometimes ones we can hardly fathom (Jack floating away in "Titanic", political and financial anxiety in a shakey economy, melted candy: like that.) but it's our family that helps us get through it all.

Wife, husband, parent, sibling, child, cousin, God-child, God-parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, step parent, step child, priest, coworker, old friend, pet, social worker, foster family. Everyone.

It's all about family people. Love them. Be good to them. Share your candy with them! And remember that you are never alone, never forgotten, and never unloved.

After all, if you're reading this, you're part of MY family! And in my family, that's how we roll!

Until next time...



-Sage Words

Playing Ketchup

Ketchup

Okay, I know. I've recently been reminded that I'm supposed to be writing about the stuff from my challenge post from wwaaaaayyyyyyyy back in June! I should be writing about:

• Anger/Happiness/Monkeys - The first response I got was also the most difficult. I know what I want to write, just not how to say it. But it's coming, be patient!
• Dialysis - Mostly just a lot of research to get this one right. When I (foolishly?) made the challenge, I guess I didn't take my impending move into account! Working on it!
• The reactions of several historically significant monkeys to the current political climate - Odds are, they would have all just flung poo at all the candidates, but I think I can do better than that! Gimme time!
• TWO illustrated (and monkey-laden) sequels to the movie "Unbreakable" - This dude is just plain weird. Still, it will be fun to do, so count me in (eventually)!
• Another political piece, this time about racially motivated voting - easy to do, hard to do right. I have a lot of political opinions and history to get straight in my head before I do this, but I think it will need to be first (after this!) since the election is coming up so quickly.
• And finally, my moving adventure - Coming soon to a blogosphere near you! But not today!

Today, what we're going to talk about is money.

Kiz-ash!

Now, it is imperative that you all understand that I am NOT an expert in any way shape or form about money. I know it when I see it. I'd prefer to have more of it. But I'm not in any danger of having a nationally-televised program explaining all the ins and outs of it either. Maybe that's the problem.

I've been watching the news, listening to the radio, reading the paper, eavesdropping on people's private conversations, and even examining cloud formations for secret messages and very nearly every word you hear from any source is about the economy.

It's clear to me that someone is going to have to straighten out this mess. We've read about bailouts (er, "rescue" plans!) from the government for everyone from giant insurance companies to huge segments of the population who are already doing fairly well for themselves. We've heard about the government giving more money to banks so they'll stop hoarding the money they already have. We've heard about new rules for how CEO's are paid and how loans are approved. What we've heard has so far cost us $823,000,000,000.00 or so.

Eight
Hundred
Twenty-three
BILLION DOLLARS!

And it's not going to be enough. Not by a long shot. In fact, that giant insurance company I mentioned before is now asking for another hand-out! Also in the billions!

Okay, let me see. I'm 36 years old, and I've had a job of one sort or another since I was about 15. Some were part-timers, some temp stuff, and full-time work since I was 19 or 20, so figure about 20 total years of work. Considering what I make now, and generously doubling my salary every year (thank you!), I should be able to make that up in about 180 years. So don't worry folks, I got this! I hear the first billion is the hardest.

Okay. Perhaps that won't work. Here's a better idea...

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, that comment is not directed at you, my dear (and limited!) readership. Rather, it is intended for all the moorings on Wall Street, those idiots. In fact, here's another little message for those dolts:

There is no such thing as money or profit. It is all imaginary. The whole thing is a confidence game, and I don't mean an "Ocean's Eleven" confidence game, I mean a game of confidence. In other words, if you think you're going to lose money, YOU WILL! You're all idiots! If you would just kick back and calm down for a minute, this whole thing would stop spiraling down around us!

Didn't you learn anything from "It's a Wonderful Life"? During the depression, it was only George Bailey and Mr. Potter who made it through the runs on the banks, because they were the only ones to be reasonable and calm! This is NO DIFFERENT! Calm down and stop trying to pull out every time there's a tiny uptick in your stock prices. Your desperate attempt to make a tiny profit and get out quick just forces the whole mess to perpetuate! How can you be so smart and so stupid at the same time?

Okay. That's enough for those idjits. Here's something for the rest of us:

Sage Words' Guide To Financial Well-Being
(or: how to not get poor without really trying)

As I stated before, I'm not an expert. But I have a rudimentary intelligence which has so far kept me out of jail and non-murdered, so it's at least possible that I could make some sense here. But I also have to keep my lawyer happy by warning you that anything I advise you to do may be complete hogwash and if you follow my advice, it's your own fault, whatever happens.

And in the interests of full disclosure, my lawyer is a small, 1/2 Burmese cat with two missing teeth named "Gizmo". If you anger him, he will leap up, rip out your eyes with his mighty claws, and feast on your brains! Or he may just get cat hair all over your best suit. Whatever.

So here we go. Financial advice:

1. Know how much money you have
2. Spend less than that

Uh, that's all I got. Not very helpful, I'm afraid.

Pollyanna used to play a game called the "Glad Game". No matter what happened, she tried to be positive. When it rained, she would be glad that the plants would be getting a drink of water. When Gilligan and his friends got marooned on a desert island, she would be glad that there would soon be many new coconut-based technologies for the world to share. When Timmy fell down the well, she was glad Lassie would have something to do besides sniffing other dogs' butts. When she fell out of a tree and became paralyzed, she was glad that she'd never wear out another pair of shoes. Okay, so maybe Pollyanna was a bit extreme in her application of the "Glad Game," but the idea was a good one.

Listen. I don't have all the answers. No one does. I know times are tough out there for most of you and I know what it's like to be unsure about how you're going to pay for something you really need. But I also know that panicking is NOT going to fix anything. Try to keep your head during all of this and don't despair. There's enough despair in the world as it is, so let's not add to it, okay?

And if we start to go hungry, we can always eat the koalas.



-Sage Words

The Jury Remains Out

So I guess that gadget worked, but I'm still of two minds on the idea. I think I'll keep it for a while and see if it helps me to post a little more often.

The problem is, I don't see myself using this the same way I do the standard interface. I can't add pictures, or format text with this thing, so will that stunt my humor? Or, indeed, have I just been making a wild assumption by calling my previous works "humor"?

Then there's the "epic" factor. Some of my previous posts have been, shall we say, excessive. This thing doesn't really encourage long-term rambling. Or is that a good thing?

So you, my loyal readers (or browsers, or whatever) will need to be the jury. This is appropriate because there can't be more than twelve of you!

Let me know what you think? More frequent, but probably smaller posts, or less frequent but occasionally researched and planned out posts?

Or do you want both? Post a comment and let me know!



-Sage Words

And Another Thing...

So here's something new. I found a little gadget that will let me make little mini blog entries from my iGoogle home page!

Wow. I can't believe I just said that. Has the world become so techno-centric that I am now excited about a webpage gadget? This will be the third method I've used to post to this blog, and I haven't even tried the e-mail posting feature!

So I guess I'm just easily distracted by shiny objects, fuzzy kittens, flashing lights, and will happily drink any kool-aid I come across!

Sad. I appear to be a mindless sheep. This probably comes as no surprise to most of you.

Whatever. I'm going to click the "publish" button, then race over to my blog to see if this worked! Cool!



-Sage Words

A Whole New Beginning

It's funny how being a so-called "expert" in a field can make you an idiot. As many of you may know (can I legally use the word "many" to describe my limited readership?) I have recently (last week) moved from the United Kingdom to Arizona. This is an issue I will deal with in an entirely other post, but for the moment, allow me to focus on one annoying thing.

You see, I needed to change my registration on this blog in order to deal with the fact that my old e-mail address no longer exists. The process for this is relatively straight-forward until you take into account the fact that, in many ways, I'm not terribly creative. One of the results of this non-creativity is my choice of nicknames. You know me here as Sage Words. That seems to have become my "nom de plume" (French for "surrender") over the years. However, I needed to come up with a new nickname in order to shift the admin functions of this blog over to my new account.

Somehow, in my haste and impatience, I have changed the "posted by" name on all my previous posts to what was supposed to be a temporary nickname, but now I'm afraid to change it for fear of losing all my posts.

So the long and the short of it is this: Old posts are now listed under the name "Parsley Words".

Parsley

My new ones will continue to be posted as "Sage Words".

Sage

Naturally, I'm good in pasta either way.



-Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme Words